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Tuesday, June 13, 2006
11:29 AM
it`s a damn shame, but its true. this job is not fun, not challenging, not interesting. what the hell am i doing here? i guess that i am learning to live in this crazy island that is miyako, which is so far away from my roots, identity and former reality.
so why do i stay? question i have pondered over the past year, and that i continue to ponder. the exact answer i do not really know, but certain forces keep me here. one, for sure, is the deep caring and feelings that i have developed for the most curious and funny man. he is great in every sense and without him, my guess is that i would have been in line for the next plane out of here. there is more though, this sense of life as a different person, pseudo-celebrity status, even though it pisses me off most of the time, especially when i am jogging and i feel the world inspecting me. and then, there is the beauty of this place, hidden beyond the borders of this gray and ugly city that crumbles and molds before my eyes. and of course, there is the learning process that i have not yet completed, but am living through. and its damn hard.
i really need to write more on this, mainly as a means to see where i progress through all of this. my friend louise beauchemin once told me that in life, its critical to have something to look forward to. so what do i have to look forward to?
-the end of the rainy season, the return of sunny weather and swims in the ocean
-buying a bicycle and peddling around
-going home to canada to recharge and see those that i love
another friend, whom i have listened to for years without really knowing her personally, once told me to write a gratitude list for what and who in your life you have to be thankful for. so here are mine for today:
1. mummy- she seems to always be at the top of my lists
2. shin
3. my bed
4. yummy, healthy food
5. a teacher- for being able to stay in canada a bit longer.. yahoo!!
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