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Wednesday, September 13, 2006
8:51 AM
"But that moment when Edward reeled back has stayed with me down the years, confirming my general view that surprise birthday are pernicious institutions, often sadistic in basic intent. What could be more pleasant than a well planned, entirely disclosed birthday party, with the central figure allowed every opportunity to vet the guest list, plan the impromptu toast, dictate the scope of food, drink and music? What more barbarous than the sudden scream of "surprise!", the unpleasing visages from the past looming into view, the wrong cocktails?"
[...]
"Now the scientific evidence is in. Surprise parties can kill. To put the matter in scientific terms: Emotional stress can precipitate severe, reversible left ventricular dysfunction in patients without coronary disease. Exaggerated sympathetic stimulation is probably central to the cause of this syndrome."
[...]
"One of the earlier patients, Dr Wittstein told the New York Times, was a 60-year-old woman whose family had given a surprise birthday party for her. "Seventy people jumped out from the dark and screamed, 'Surprise!' and literally three hours later she was in the intensive care unit,"
Of course many rituals in our society have a furtive homicidal intent, most notably those fraught sessions known as family reunions. Grandpa and grandma drive to the event, get mildly looped, head for home and are wiped out on the interstate by a semi when grandpa pulls out of the rest stop. Father keels over when he opens the front door to see a plump faced man vaguely resembling the daughter who left home all those years ago saying in a throaty voice, "Hi, dad".
So please, no surprises."
Love it.
By Alexander Cockburn, February 12/13, 2005. Read the full article here.
If you do feel the need to plan a surprise party for someone, despite the risks involved, at least do it properly, using this guide.
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